WHAT IS A THOUGHT WORTH AND HOW CAN IT MAKE HIM SOME MONEY

the last three pay days i have not been paid on time

i have been paid at night when it is no good to me

when the bank is closed and when the next day is saturday

this is what it means to belong to a credit of union

it means that the bank is closed all weekend 

and their one ATM in town does not accept deposits

the reason i have not been paid on time was they fucked up the checks

and most were sent to columbus where i don't live

this is the third weekend i can remember

sitting on a burning slip of paper

waiting to cash in on $600 monday

eating almonds and almonds and almonds

and it's the most money i can ever remember

but it's still sunday and i'm still very poor

and $600 all of it for mine and not to share?

i try to remember father's advice on money

but i only see him showing me how to fold my pajamas underneath the pillow

(advice i still heed)

but nothing on money and on monday after work i go racing 

down to the main office for the check

tearing out of the parking lot

to deposit it before 5 and to buy dinner for us

an oncoming driver, a stranger disapproves

because people walk around here

but it's money driving and i only have 15 minutes

that night i fight with dylan and either lose or spend $50

we come out of the bar and fall into the grass wrestling

leah walks backwards over a utility stump and falls on the sidewalk

we were both embarrassed and she was having surgery on wednesday

i thought of all the times i had driven home drunk

i went to work half-drunker in the morning

and one of the clients said to me
"North Platte, the land of candy and coupons."

but then i find another paycheck in my box

and i can't believe it because that means even more money

when i go to the bank after work the cashier recognizes me

says, back so soon?

and i half-suspect she's pushing a red button underneath her

because the check was baited and i'm going away now

but she doesn't, she gives me the money i have more money now

being poor used to be my only incentive for frugality

what to spend the money on?

to fix my car that it can make it through the winter

without snow blowing through the unrolling window

or buy music gear because isn't this what i am pointing myself at

or to pay back all the people that i owe, companies and loan sharks

or to plan a trip and to sit in a new place and imagine i've never lived anywhere else

this much money cannot be saved

cannot be withheld in the idea of 'savings account'

nothing here will be accountable to anything else

it must be put out in the world

and some of it given away 

(I had a envelope marked "charity" but i spent it on grass)

it's like i told hudson

thinking thoughts is lonely because you're the only one there

HEROIN

the first time
i heard the velvet underground
i could not understand the sounds
the understanding was far off from me
and i could see everyone waiting just through the gates
waiting for me to understand the velvet underground
to join them and i couldn't
what i could do was see it coming,
i could see the lights dimming
as just before carnal knowing
as just before the moment
'warm familiar'
when everything turns red
and adam says to you sit down
and when he lowers the lights
and everyone goes quiet
the song plays
the music keeps happening
the whole thing keeps going
but i would not have any of it until dawn
not until i was alone
listening with headphones at three in the morning
the body of the velvet underground approaching
my own vessel soon to collide
and off an improvised drum riff
in which the body of maureen "mo" tucker
overran itself and gave it away
the woman had no preclusions
the woman kept time as poorly as a drummer could
but no one could tell
her body had flown away
and no one knew that it was her anymore
she was never more of a stranger
and i was never aware of a gate.