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my girlfriend wants to buy you my cd.

i feel embarrassed.



i am in dallas and the house smells like cat piss.



i have been experiencing many doubts lately.


can i make art that matters and that celebrates everything?


is it possible to fulfill a 'crushing artistic vision' and survive?


will i ever feel 'completely legit'



i feel like a little boy walking up a hill with arms full of snow.

PORTLAND/OLYMPIA

some of the people from gandhara are in a band called The Lickets. they are playing in portland and olympia and i can promise you an amazing time. honestly some of the most challenging and beautiful modern folk i have heard.

Saturday: Portland and Sunday: Olympia

Saturday, 20 June 2009

Time: 18:14

Portland and Olympia, US

First show in Portland, Oregon at the Ella St Social Club, former Towne Lounge space, on Saturday, June 20th and then Sunday the 21st we will be in Olympia, Washington (first time ever playing here too) for the Olympia Experimental Music Festival. Also, Two short films are being screened at the film portion of the festival on Sunday that IC made: videos for The Lickets and Mary St John.

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i am visiting my brother in chattanooga. on the way here i drove through the worst thunderstorm of my young adult life. it cleared up a little but things got bonkers when a trailer truck swerved and flipped. it looked like a giant bull falling into the ditch and splashing a wave of mud. i pulled over and ran across the highway. i was very afraid that the truck would explode. a woman from anther car was hysterical and kept yelling that the driver was not getting out. we approached the truck and i saw the engine block smashed open and oil and blood pouring out. some other guys stopped and we opened the truck door. a little boy came out and he had blood on his arms but it did not look like it was his. i was very afraid and i did not want to see a dead body so i left. i went back to my car and drove away.

now i am alive and awake, watching a television show about amazing videos or something. my little sister is here too. she turned 13 yesterday. so far it has been pretty great. i have not seen my brother and sister together in a very long time. we went to the aquarium and i kept thinking about drowning. i keep having 'final thoughts' on life, like we're all going to die or something. i keep thinking, i should remember this or something, because soon we will all be dead and then we will not be able to do so.

not sure what to think now.

NEW COVER

BROTHERFATHER

father found brother crying behind the fence at school. father stopped slipped brother under the fence took him to the woods. brother father took shovels dug a long deep hole in the grass. brother dug up a marble, a car, a plastic bag. inside the pale white bag was a pale white cat. brother unrolled the cat in the grass studied it. father said they had to burn it now. father did not have matches. drove to the store bought a box of them. brother father came back set the plastic bag on fire. father threw the burning bag inside a trash can full of trash. the trash can caught on fire leapt high to the trees. father held brother's hand they watched the white smoke rising.