please make a home (dedicated to ryan manning)

please make a home for my penis with your hands.
it is cold and i am afraid.

talk to me quietly and be gentle to the backs of my arms.
make small sounds that in my language mean 'home'

make it a warm and clean place,
so that i will be able to close my eyes
and hear my aching bones tell me
this is the place where i belong.

ask me to open my eyes and look at you.
then rub the cold out of me,
take my hand and lead me to the fire.
we will brush shoulders and know,
we will not say it but we will know.
you will knit gloves for my thick, frozen hands.
and i will point out different species of snow birds to you
from your bedroom window.
and you'll look me in the eye and ask me where,
ask me if there
ask me.

make a home from me where it's warm,
where i can swell and expand,
and crack pipelines and water-stained walls.
i will not bother you.
i will not make a mess.
i will just try my best to take care of us.
i will clean out the soot from the chimney
and chop firewood before breakfast.
i will read quietly after lunch
and share interesting passages with you.
i will hate what you hate
and love what you love.

i will sleep in the corner of an empty room
curled up by the window.
and i will not ask you for anything.
i will not ask you to re-finish the floors.
and i will not you ask to fix anything,
i will clean out the pantry
and take shits in the woods.
i will clean the kitchen with swabs of cotton dabbed in bleach
and you will understand my tremendous
ability to be grateful and alive.


i will stay in my sleeping bag and
watch the moon pass over my face.
i will sleep happily in the light
and know quietly that
there is nothing more simple
and there is nothing more safe.




just please make a home for my penis with your hands.