Monday, August 31, 2009


i was sitting outside during my break the other day. the hair salon next to us was having some kind of a sale or something. there was a radio DJ outside in the parking lot. he was operating from a van. there was a table for hot dogs and things. the DJ was talking to the women at the salon. it was his job to 'make the party'. he was doing his best. i tried to look away. the women listened with their mouths open a little. i could see their teeth. the DJ wore plaid shorts and some kind of a shirt portraying a sport or something. i turned to read my book. later, he began his 'broadcast' from the parking lot. he talked into a microphone and told the public about deals on nails, hair dyes, and perms. he walked in circles and talked into his microphone. there was a faint ring of people standing around him, watching him walk in circles. they ate hot dogs and talked about the nice weather.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


by michael thurber

Thursday, August 20, 2009

the television show PARTY DOWN is funny. plus it has bill haverchuck from FREAKS AND GEEKS.

Monday, August 17, 2009


would you rather have a fish for a right hand or a cloud for a left foot?

please leave your answer and your gender in the comments.

Friday, August 14, 2009


i was in training to be a party animal. i was being trained by a veteran party animal. the veteran party animal had pock marks and bad teeth. his name was gilberto.


Monday, August 10, 2009

DREAM #20, 21, 22

# 20: this was like a lucid dream. i was awake but i could not move. this was in a basement in portland. i could see light coming in from another room. i could see that it was becoming morning. i saw myself as a singular body made up of shifting tectonic plates. i had the strong sense of being the embodiment of the super-continent pangea. i felt myself begin to break and separate. i could still feel each plate as a unit of it's self but i could also feel the separation between something i would call 'myself' and something i would call 'everything that has ever existed ever ever ever'. i could feel the stones in my belly settle and fall. there was smoke every where and then my body sank into the sea. everything shook and then i felt nothing.

#21: i was married to my friend april. we lived in a staircase of an office building. every morning office employees came up and down the stairs and we said hello to them. one time we were sleeping and i heard someone open the door upstairs. i grabbed april by the back of the neck like a cat and put her under the bed. later there was a tornado and all the employees came to the stairwell for safety. we strung up christmas lights and beads and had a party for everyone. everyone lined up the stairwell drinking and talking.

#22: in one dream i was playing the drums very well. a giant moth came up to me and said 'you didn't really dream this. you are making this up. you are a liar.' i said, 'listen moth, i am just trying to be, nah mean?' and the moth goes 'no you are not just trying to be. you are trying to be an asshole and you are succeeding.' and i was like way offended and i go 'moth, you totally just offended me and that was not cool, ok?' and the moth goes 'when?' and i go 'just now, just a few seconds ago when you said me i was an asshole.' and the moth goes 'i'm sorry. you are only a small speck of nothing that somehow has reason.' and i go 'ok you are crossing the line, bro.' the moth said 'all you remember is that you were playing drums very well.' i blinked and hesitated and then the moth flew away.


Friday, August 7, 2009

listening to OUR MOTHER THE MOUNTAIN on vinyl with a brand new needle right out of the box.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009


why haven't i heard of PANGUR BAN PARTY until just now?

i feel like everything is a phenomenon until i have something to do with it.

I'M FINNA START ALL CONVERSATIONS LIKE THIS FROM NOW UNTIL FOREVER. it is a collaboration featuring one of my favorite young writers, daniel bailey.

my favorite line:

also on PBP is the inimitable ryan manning and his SOFTCORE LOLITAS.

plus i believe ryan manning to be the commander keen of the internet.

it is like 4:30 in the morning or something and i can't sleep.

i am laying head to toe with katie and i keep thinking i am going to knock her in the face with my gimp ankle

...which would certainly spell pain for the both of us!

i am going to lay in the street now.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009


"oh, if you would but make for us a home!" -- with the lord upon us and the heat of his mighty hand leading, we came down from the mountain to the cove of clouds weeping: dreadfully ashamed and inside of us small crosses on fire. we hung over the village, twisting our necks up as if to snap at small fish. instead clouds came and pooped on our heads.

my brother and i, not belonging, had taken to the shore for it was not good for us to be alone. inside of us there was something like small dense clouds. we left the water to sleep in the sand. we spent the first day climbing up pine trees and playing in sea caves. we batted storm waves out with our tails and wrestled and screamed on the shore. when we crumbled a mountain a small fishing village streamed onto the beach, begging for mercy--their docks and fishing boats in disrepair. the villagers were afraid of other mountains falling on them. they trembled every time we sneezed.

soon we ruled over the villagers and they called us sons of the morning star. every morning the they delivered 10 wise and foolish virgins to our sea cave. we strung them up like beads and hung them around the cave by their hair. then we sat at the top of our own mountain and drank tea in a temples made of ivory. the time came when we needed a hot tub. on our demands, the villagers built an elaborate network canals to direct lava into a pool beneath a giant cauldron. we sat all night in the cauldron watching venus until it faded with the morning.

and one day we listened and oh! we heard it: the sound of the lord walking through the garden in the cool of the day. when he called us by our christian names we hid among the trees. the villagers ran away screaming and there settled in us again the small clouds we ached from before. the lord found us crying with our fins in our mouths behind a sacred grove of sequoia trees. he lead us down the beach and we wept openly as we went. we wept because we had only known of us crest and now we knew of his peak.