VISION #1

I was born under a bridge in the mouth of everything washed down from the eternal shore. I knew that I had actually come from somewhere upriver and around the bend but that this place, under the bridge, was where I had been born. I sat with a man talking on the shore, listening to the river pass over stones and rocks. And there we were in the muck of things. He watched me crawl and dance around the rocks. He told me to write something down but I was vibrating. I was humming like a crystal chord and I could not think of anything more important to document than: I LOVE YOU. I could see upriver something amassed and slowly swelling down to us. I pointed at it and told him that it was Death. He asked me what was downriver and I told him that we didn't know but we'd be there soon enough. I pointed at the graffiti and told him that we were right in the muck of things, that we were right in the cave of man. He asked me if I wanted to swim so I took off my clothes and swam with deep deep joy. I flicked up water into the sun and watched it come down in diamonds. We named rocks and dropped them all into the river.

Then he asked me if I wanted to take a walk so I put on my clothes and we went into the forest. Somehow I knew that he was Michael the Archangel and that he was leading me upriver, where I came from. I knew that he was leading me back to the Garden of Eden. He told me to put on my shoes but I told him that I did not want to and he said 'okay'. We took a long path through the forest learning a great number of things. I followed behind the Archangel in full trust of his direction. I asked him what his named meant and he told me 'He Who Is Like God'. Then I asked him what my name meant and he said 'The Chosen One'. I told him he was wrong and that my name meant 'He Who Wrestles With God'. He did not say anything but continued walking. I left my body following him many times and my mind wandered elsewhere to learn great and valuable lessons. Everything was on its path. It was all going somewhere. I saw that no one was different than a comet tearing through the sky. Everyone had a equal mode of trajectory. And every time I returned to my body after I had learned something, it was always with a great and violent breath as if I were being knocked back into my vessel.

We hiked for miles but I never felt tired. Once I even paused to give out a great echoing bellow. When I turned around I saw the Archangel was filming me. I became savagely angry. I told him that he was not allowed to do that. I said "No man should have to remember his voyage." And he said "Just the important parts." From then on I did not trust him as I had before. We continued hiking until it became clear that we were lost. I felt stupid for following this man into the forest. I felt stupid for trusting him. We found another bridge and he told me to stay under it while he looked around. I paced under the bridge while drawing circles around my body in the sand.

Then I heard my name be called. I walked out into the light and Michael the Archangel was standing on a hill with the splendor of the sun calling me up to a high place. I was afraid to ascend to him but he seemed impatient so I went up to him. We crossed the bridge while cars flew past us and I was very afraid. He said we were okay. He kept saying that we were okay. I asked him where we were going but he would not answer me. We finally arrived at a trainyard where he was trying to get his bearings straight. I heard a train coming in the distance and I asked him if I could hold onto his pack. He agreed but when the train came through, the sheer terror of that machine tearing through the earth made me pull hard on his pack. He pushed my hand off and walked away. I sat down and tried to make a home for myself. I began to draw circles around me in the sand. I was completely alone. The darkness of that solitude was so complete and total I was afraid that I would die. I was afraid that I would kill myself. I heard another train headed toward me again with its terrible soul-crushing noise. I began a deep long struggle with myself. I saw a darkness so deep. I knew if I gave into it I would lay down on the tracks. The insanity of that loneliness was total and complete. I knew I could never survive. And as the train flew by me I drew another circle around my body in the dust and repeated to myself that I was okay. I just kept repeating that I was okay.