WHAT I HAVE BEEN DOING LATELY
everything i have been doing has been for america. i feel very tired but then there is more america to see and america must be seen.
sometimes i feel like a small tree in a backyard with little strings tied around me. this feels okay. i am very tired. i would like to have a home i think. i think i would like to begin to eat food again. i feel like an alien sometimes. i feel like david bowie in 'the man who fell to earth' . except that when people offer me a tray of cookies i do not slap the tray into the air in slow motion while expressing a look of existential despair on my face. instead i eat them.
lately when i wake up i am usually in some strange new place. when i wake up in these strange places i must always try not to be afraid. i must stare at the ceiling for a few moments and think of where in america i am.
last night i woke up on a futon in a sub-basement walkdown. there was a little rat dog licking my face and a window high up on the wall where people walked. i heard a voice but i did not want to get up.
the other night i woke up in a creaky house. i got up and drank coffee. i became very nervous. i was afraid the house would collapse on me. i was afraid of america falling on my face. i went outside and tried to smoke a cigarette. i could not find a lighter. i felt even more nervous. i found spaghetti and then ate it. then i read leaves of grass and felt better.
i would like to continue to see america. however, this is difficult when i am hurt. i am very sad because of my ankle. i am not allowed to step on america anymore. when i try to step on america i feel pain. i do not have health insurance and people have to carry things that my hands cannot.
now i am going to listen to townes van zandt and go to sleep.
sometimes i feel like a small tree in a backyard with little strings tied around me. this feels okay. i am very tired. i would like to have a home i think. i think i would like to begin to eat food again. i feel like an alien sometimes. i feel like david bowie in 'the man who fell to earth' . except that when people offer me a tray of cookies i do not slap the tray into the air in slow motion while expressing a look of existential despair on my face. instead i eat them.
lately when i wake up i am usually in some strange new place. when i wake up in these strange places i must always try not to be afraid. i must stare at the ceiling for a few moments and think of where in america i am.
last night i woke up on a futon in a sub-basement walkdown. there was a little rat dog licking my face and a window high up on the wall where people walked. i heard a voice but i did not want to get up.
the other night i woke up in a creaky house. i got up and drank coffee. i became very nervous. i was afraid the house would collapse on me. i was afraid of america falling on my face. i went outside and tried to smoke a cigarette. i could not find a lighter. i felt even more nervous. i found spaghetti and then ate it. then i read leaves of grass and felt better.
There was never any more inception than there is now,i am a young man living in america without health insurance.
Nor any more youth or age than there is now,
And will never be any more perfection than there is now,
Nor any more heaven or hell than there is now.
i would like to continue to see america. however, this is difficult when i am hurt. i am very sad because of my ankle. i am not allowed to step on america anymore. when i try to step on america i feel pain. i do not have health insurance and people have to carry things that my hands cannot.
now i am going to listen to townes van zandt and go to sleep.
posted by wagner israel cilio iii @ 11:33 PM
1 Comments:
israel, you do wake up in new places all the time huh? we go through phases like that...i hope you are enjoying this one. i'm really sorry about your ankle. if you come up here to Spokane we'll find you an ace bandage and get it x-rayed. well. write a book soon. it's waiting to be done. love emily
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