BEARKEG

After killing the bear, the bear hunter hollowed out the animal with a bowie knife and collected the bear's insides in various orange home depot buckets in his garage. Then he attached a handle to the animal's back and filled it up with beer. He spent the afternoon coming up with a way for the bear's body to piss beer into his mug. He had never seen Clockwork Orange and was not being ironic or anything. When he figured it out, he didn't use a mug and just sucked the bear's cock alone.

On Thursday he dragged the animal to the bar and asked the bartender to fill it up with beer. The room filled with the stink and a butch biker woman vomited violently onto the pool table. When the bartender refused to fill the bear up with beer, the bear hunter stood on the bar and pulled his pants down to his ankles. The bear hunter pissed on everyone's head and the piss splattered from their hats and into their drinks. The bear hunter cried with his pale bare ass hanging out ugly because he knew that no amount of falling piss would make these people his friends.

The bear hunter stumbled home that night crying with his pants around his ankles and dragging the bear through the wet streets. When he got home he set the orange home depot buckets of bear innards on fire in the forest and watched them burn while he sat with the bear wrapped around him like a quilt.

When he woke up in the morning he stripped to his underwear and pulled out the bear's bones from the body and used them to beat his wife. The bear hunter cried in his grubby underwear because he knew that no matter how hideously he beat his wife she would never be his friend and the bear hunter just wanted to have friends and feel power.