Tuesday, June 10, 2008

3:49 AM

tonight i walked with richard through the woods in front of his house in the fog with the industrial church parking lot lights going off behind the trees. we walked to buy a gatorade at the private academy that I used to go to. It is a closed campus which means that scuzzballs like us weren't supposed to be there at that time. and i was nervous that some teacher that I hated from high school would find me and tell me to get out and leave and then tell other people that I was roaming the campus at night, looking through the windows of the girls' dorm in search for young vagina. this was not true and i was nervous and richard kept talking and I kept looking around and seeing all the beams of industrial lighting that the industrial lights made when their powerfule industrial rays coming through things blocked and unblocked. we walked up some stairs and i heard an animal calling from the darkness and it sounded like a kitty so I squatted down and called it and it came to us but it wasn't a kitten, it was a fucking cat with the worst fucking abandonment issues that I have ever seen in either man or beast. it kept walking in front of me and lying belly up right where i was going to step. this made me very angry. i accidently kicked the cat a few times because it was so needy, it was soooo needy. it was so needy that it made me kick it. i had to kick the cat because it was needy but i didn't do it on purpose because i love animals (my brother does not love animals because he eats them...that fucker). we finally got the the soda machine and i looked across the campus and saw that there were little new things everywhere, things were much nicer than when i had been there last at 17. now i'm 22 and i was here again and i saw a bench that our class bought for this girl that died in a car accident in our class and she was very pretty and once i saw her without makeup (she wore a lot of make up but she was pretty and looked exactly like a barbie doll) and i thought she was the prettiest thing i'd ever seen and she blushed and i was embarrassed. they had moved that bench (which i can't imagine anyone would sit on) and now it was next to the soda machine where richard was buying a gatorade at 1:30 in the morning. now he was looking for a dime and he swears he had brought exact change and he asked if i had a dime (i was wearing shorts with no pockets, i couldn't possibly have had a dime. i looked anyway) and i got more nervous. and this cat kept rubbing on my legs and i was going to get caught in this place, at my old high school and i would get in trouble again like i had in the 10th grade when two friends and i snuck off campus and went to make out in the mother's room at the church across the street. i was nervous but richard found the dime and bought the gatorade. we started walking back and the cat kept following us and lying belly up and asking, just asking for someone to be her friend and to tell her that she was beautiful and that she was worth something and that there was a reason for her to relish her "slut pride" and i was very sad and angry for and with her. and when we walked back down the stairs, the cat stayed up high on the wall and watched us go. i was sad so i called to her and she jumped down from a really high place and i know cats are supposed to land on their feet but i'm pretty sure it must have hurt her to jump from so high. then she followed us to the end of the sidewalk and we kept walking down the hill and she stayed right where the cement met the asphalt and didn't take a step further. i didn't turn around and it cried for us and it sounded like a baby was dying and it kept asking for us to come back but we didn't, we had a gatorade to drink.


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