for the birds: II (a drunken poem)

sometimes there is a baby bird in my throat.
i can't talk.
i only chirp.
i make chirping sounds
people think i am making a joke.

i sometimes laugh with them.
the baby bird in my throat is funny.
he is a joke.
oh baby bird, oh sweet baby bird, you're so silly!
and sometimes it doesn't chirp.
i really don't like talking about the bird in my throat.
please don't ask me about the baby bird chirping from my throat.
i did not eat it.
i did not eat the baby bird.
the baby bird was there from the beginning.

i am going to write the first lines of my absurdist novel now.
i am thinking of the opening lines.
when i think of an opening line
i will stop typing and go to bed.
then i will come back to that line the next day
and pretend that my high school english teacher has given me a creative writing assignment
and the assignment is to begin a creative story with the opening line i wrote yesterday.
this is my opening line:

in the beginning there was a baby bird...

(EDITOR'S NOTE: i feel like i am trying to be chaim potak because he has a book that begins with 'in the beginning'.' when i read it, i felt like it was 'seamless' because he was taking me places and i did not realize what he was doing. when i think about it now, i feel like a fourth grade boy who followed a stranger to the back of his van. the stranger is chaim potak. this is not a metaphor. i am not trying to be chaim potak. i like him but i hear he is an asshole. a professor of mine interviewed him some years ago and said that, that chaim potak is an asshole and i believe my professor. i have read some of chaim potak's work, i read most of 'my name is asher lev' and i felt sleepy so i didn't finish it. i felt sleepy and stupid, like asher lev. asher lev did not know anything. his parents never told him anything. my name is israel but i do not care for the country of israel. i keep getting hits on my statcounter by IP addresses in tel aviv. i feel embarassed for saying i have a statcounter mostly because i know that the hits on this site are very low. i hope i can make friends in tel aviv.)

in the beginning there was a baby bird. the baby bird was lonely and cold.
he looked into the heavens and cried out because he did not believe in god anymore.
the baby bird did not belive in god and he was angry with god for not existing.
he felt lonely. he felt alone because there was no god and the baby bird knew he did not have a free will.

(EDITOR'S NOTE: when i woke up there were flashing lights and my friend was outside the car talking to a police officer. i was laying in the back seat, very drunk. the police officer opened the door and started talking to me. i did not understand him. he kept talking and suddenly i heard my friend say that i was driving. i had not been driving. i had been sleeping in the back seat. my friend had been driving. the police officer told me to get out of the backseat. i heard my friend tell the police officer that i had been driving and that i had jumped in the back seat when we got pulled over. i knew this was not the truth. i was very angry. i told my friend to tell the truth and to stop lying. i started to say something that would define my friend and i's friendship, something that would define if i showed up at his wedding or if i ever took care of his wife after he died. he looked at me and i knew he was sad. i was sad too. i could not finish what i was saying. the baby bird in my throat would not let me finish what i was saying. the police officer shined a light in my eyes. when he turned around the cruiser headlights lit up his face and i saw that he was chaim potak. he was very angry with the two of us. i think his brother was killed in a drunk driving incident. he was out for 'vengeance'.)

the baby bird hovered over the vast of the waters.
he cried and filled up the ocean with salty tears.
this is why the ocean is salty.
the baby bird messed up.
something he did not was not perfect
and he wanted this thing to perfect.
he wanted everything to be clean.
the baby bird wanted to sit in a white and sterile room
and count numbers all day.
the baby bird tried to find something 'right' in all the wrongness.
the baby bird knew that it was not good enough
and that if he were cinematic score, he would be dropping down
into minor chords right now.

(EDITOR'S NOTE: Chaim Potak handcuffed me. i tried to talk but only squeaky chirps came out. my mouth was gaping and there was a line of saliva reaching for the grass. when chaim potak led me to the back of the cruiser, the saliva line swayed with how i moved. my friend was standing in red lights from the back of the cruiser with his hands on his head and his hip sticking out. he was trying to hide how sad he was. he was trying to be a liar but he could not. he was very sad and when chaim potak put me in the cruiser, i put my lips up the partially-opened window and yelled at my friend. he could not see my face, only my bare teeth and my mouth. i kept screaming at him but only chirps came out.)

the baby bird crawled in a hole
and he tried to act like a snake.
the hole was in a tree and he tried
to be an owl.
he tried to be a snake and an owl
and he wanted to kill everything.
a woman came to the tree and the baby bird
bit her in the neck.
the baby bird was very sad
and he felt like it was the beginning of everything again
and fuck man, he did not want anything to begin to again.
he wanted it all to end. everything to end.
he was sad and he chirped and chirped and cried
and fell asleep chirping.