there is a middle-aged woman in the cafe wearing a halter top and hair pulled to the side. she looks young and resilient. she looks divorced. she is old and she has 'hangy' skin but her nose is sharp and her smile is simple and warm. i am typing this and looking at her in order to describe her better. i just looked up at her and she smiled at me and i felt like a beautiful sickness in my stomach. if i were middle-aged and divorced and jaded, i feel that i would be strongly attracted to her physique. i don't know what my physique would look like. i want my physique to look like the kind of physique she would want my physique to look like. i feel strangely attracted to her fulfilling a role of mother/lover. i would very much enjoy cuddling/coddling after sex and i'm sorry if that is garish.
***
virtual bubble wrap.
***
there is a certain post that a certain blake butler wrote about certain writers who only submit and complain but never work to make connections or try to promote other writers. i feel like i fall into this category sometimes. granted, i have a hard time validating my stories on my own. this is even before sending them out. i seem to apply this general principle to most things. in any case, i must learn to be less shy.
***
the idea of recording an EP in my little house is becoming a reality. i am talking with a local artist named ian mcloud about doing the album art for it. the main theme will be the stories of five women from the bible and how the men in their lives were in love with them. i came up with the idea for the EP a few years ago but have since forgotten about it and kind of felt like it wasn't something i was interested in anymore. however, this summer has been all about a theme of "returning". going back to denver, getting back on the road, coming back home, remember little things. i have become interested in the idea again and i feel that it's 'right' to do it now. since i plan to produce legitimate physical CDs in printed cardboard sleeves, i might have to sell this one just to pay the illustrator and the printing expenses. i don't like doing this but being unemployed, in effect, demands it.
***
my friend harmony just came up to my table at the coffee shop and offered me organic tomatoes which are growing just outside the window next to me. she said i could have a little bag for them if i wanted. she runs the cafe. i think i will pluck them from the vine and eat them while riding my bicycle. then i will go home, mow the lawn and take a dip in the river.
***
virtual bubble wrap.
***
there is a certain post that a certain blake butler wrote about certain writers who only submit and complain but never work to make connections or try to promote other writers. i feel like i fall into this category sometimes. granted, i have a hard time validating my stories on my own. this is even before sending them out. i seem to apply this general principle to most things. in any case, i must learn to be less shy.
***
the idea of recording an EP in my little house is becoming a reality. i am talking with a local artist named ian mcloud about doing the album art for it. the main theme will be the stories of five women from the bible and how the men in their lives were in love with them. i came up with the idea for the EP a few years ago but have since forgotten about it and kind of felt like it wasn't something i was interested in anymore. however, this summer has been all about a theme of "returning". going back to denver, getting back on the road, coming back home, remember little things. i have become interested in the idea again and i feel that it's 'right' to do it now. since i plan to produce legitimate physical CDs in printed cardboard sleeves, i might have to sell this one just to pay the illustrator and the printing expenses. i don't like doing this but being unemployed, in effect, demands it.
***
my friend harmony just came up to my table at the coffee shop and offered me organic tomatoes which are growing just outside the window next to me. she said i could have a little bag for them if i wanted. she runs the cafe. i think i will pluck them from the vine and eat them while riding my bicycle. then i will go home, mow the lawn and take a dip in the river.
posted by wagner israel cilio iii @ 12:30 PM
3 Comments:
i think blake butler's post was very good.
it made me feel guilty because i also sometimes feel as though i am one of the people who only submits and complains but never reads enough stories or promotes other writers enough.
today i got two rejection letters and i wanted to write a blog post complaining about it but then i read blake's post and 'decided against it'.
i find middle-aged women who look divorced and jaded very sexy sometimes.
i like how he said 'be an open node' that was a very beautiful. generally speaking.
the comments section was also very beautiful (147!) but what bothered me was the association 'community' and 'hippies' becauase
community is a natural and basic human instinct.
sometimes when i ride to the coffee shop to write i just sit and read cnn and don't write anything or submit and i feel really dumb about that.
we must try harder, connor.
israel, you should be a marketer for siloam springs.
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