Sunday, July 20, 2008

sunday afternoon depression on gmail chat

me: helllo sorry
no problem
what did you do this weekend?
melissa: friday was the longest day at work in my life
i could not have been happier to leave
in fact, i left 10 minutes early
me: oh yeah? did you get tired of making itunes playlists?
melissa: then i met my frieds for dinner, natalie's parents took us out for her birthday
haha--yes yes
its back breaking work
me: coooooooooooool
melissa: then we went to her house and played tether ball
and had keylime pie
and went to Maker's
and there was the cutest jazz band playing full of old black men
they were called BLT
and i could have watched the drummer for the rest of my life
me: was his name bojangles?
melissa: ha probably
me: nothing is working on my computer
i want to watch youtube and i can't
melissa: oh dear, the heartbreaker?
me: i want to listen to music on myspace and i can't
i am on my father's computer
i hate it
it is broken
it probably broke from all the porn i've been looking at
i am tired
this house is hot
melissa: haha
me: i am sleepy
i am so tired
i wanted to swim at the river
i wanted to go with my parents
but they kept asking me to go
and i hated that they were asking me to go
so i didn't go and i went and locked myself in my house
i tried to record my floor tom acoustically
it is hard to do that
i tried to read a magazine
it was boring
i tried to play the guitar but it was the same boring thing
i am hot and i wish i would've gone to the river
to swim
melissa: are they still there?
me: idk
melissa: you could sneak up on them
and then jump into the river right when they are all drying off
and splash them and start a water fight
me: i don't want to do that
i am going to post this on my blog
melissa: i just read your email
is your cousin the white guy named washtington?
am i making that up? i fell like richard told me u guys had a white cousing
me: that's jose
he's adopted
melissa: oh yes
me: washington is legit
melissa: jose
he's blood
me: jose is not
melissa: man, ive had some fantastic times at city lake. it made me sentimental to hear about it
me: jose is not blood
jose is adopted
melissa: washington
me: i was joking
we don't have a white cousin
it was a jole
melissa: i am tired of looking at people's wedding pictures
oh man. you're name isnt really israel is it?
me: no it's wagner
first name
melissa: ...
you are sassy today
me: i know, right?
i am sad
or something
i have felt this way all day
i woke up feeling sad
because i woke up at 11:30
me: yes
i saw animal collective live last night
i felt like a loser
melissa: oh no way!
where at?
me: it was from the pitchfork webcast
not for "real"
melissa: ahhh
Sent at 4:34 PM on Sunday
melissa: have u seen them live in person?
me: yes
in omaha
melissa: was is an experience?
me: yes
i cried
not really
melissa: ah, thats great. those are the best shows
me: isn't that funny how crying validates experiences?
melissa: hmm yes
me: it's supposed to "mean" something
me: can i tell you a secret?
the other day i cried when i watched a monty python movie
melissa: yes
me: it is the beginning of monty python's the meaning of life
these old men are working hard and these young supervisors are cracking whips over their heads and it's supposed to be like they're slaves rowing a ship
and then they rebel and fight everyone and they are funny and i laughed and cried at the same time.
i wanted to be free
melissa: hey hold on!!!
me: no, i am going to go watch this now.

The Crimson Permanent Assurance (Part 1)

The Crimson Permanent Assurance (Part 2)

UPDATE: Watching The Meaning of Life honestly made me feel better. About life and about other people and my relation to them. Before, I felt like I standing at a huge hole in the grass in my backyard and i was just standing there looking inside and scratching my head and thinking about how clean my pants were. now my pants are dirty and the hole does not appear to be so deep.


Blogger Katie said...

if you call me back tonight (even though i said you don't have to--i was just being nice, so you wouldn't do anything you don't really want to do), maybe we can laugh and you will feel even better still. i would like that.

July 20, 2008 at 6:55 PM  
Blogger Lisa Ladehoff said...


July 20, 2008 at 7:07 PM  

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