Thursday, July 10, 2008

My resume

Israel Cilio
5165 Cedar Dr.
Colcord, OK 74338
479.220.8025

CAREER
OBJECTIVE

To make enough money to be able to move into a real house and not just a shack that I tell my friends I am "renting" from my parents even though they and I know I can't afford to buy soda, which I love.

QUALIFICATIONS

I really like to write things. If you giveme a job where I can write things and if you pay me to write these things, I will write good things and I will write things like you have never seen things written.

EDUCATION

Union College – Lincoln, NE

Bachelor of Arts: English, emphasis on writing and speaking

Major courses taken

-Creative Writing
-Children's Literature
-Reporting
-Intro to God
-Death: 101

HONORS

Dean’s List, Fall Semester 2004, Southwestern Adventist Univ. for which I received a free laptop computer which should very well be expired but who is a trooper after it having been assaulted by wine and lightning.

WORK
EXPERIENCE

Voluntary tutor, Dogwood Literacy Council: Siloam Springs, AR, June 2008 to present. I tutor this guy Marcos who is really nice and always offers to give me a ride home after we are done.

Teacher’s assistant, Union College Humanities Division: Lincoln, NE, August 2006 to June 2008. Graded, recorded, and edited composition papers for grammatical and syntactic errors. I especially enjoyed writing scathing remarks in bright red ink on the grimy stained freshmen research papers (seriously, like salami stains or something).

Humor columnist, The Clocktower. August 2006 to February 2008. Wrote regular humor articles for the campus newspaper. I once wrote an expose on my favorite towel which had puppies on it and was the only towel I owned because I had no money, much like now...
(listen to your heart, okay?)

ESL Teacher, McNeilus Language School: Prague, Czech Republic, August 2005 to July 2006. Taught intensive grammar courses to post-high school students. I played Twister with my students once and somehow managed to entwine myself into a compromising physical position with an attractive student. I was 19.

SKILLS

Bilingual: Spanish and English, WPM: 72; skilled with MS Word and Excel (I also know how to tell when the "Insert" button is pressed on a keyboard, thus avoiding unintentional deletion of important graphics and words and things)

INTERESTS

I enjoy writing short stories, blogging, and traveling. Last summer I went on a tour of homes where I played house shows in an intimate environment with overhead slides corresponding to the images of my songs. I tried to meet girls but mostly, I just gave a lot of people back rubs.

REFERENCES

Richard Daniel Dugan -- Presently Unemployed, Richard has been my best friend since I was born. We like to go the casino and drink free soda and watch the amputees. He seems to like me so I'm pretty sure he can vouch for me. Also, I write most of my stories about him. 479-220-8700

Marcos Gutierrez --Marcos works at a cannery in the mornings. We meet at the literacy council on Tuesdays and Thursdays to tutor him in English. When I explain things to him, he always tried really hard to understand. When he does understand, he smiles and nods his head a lot and lets me know that he understands now. He is a nice guy and I think he will tell you the same about me. 479-220-1111

Michelle ??? --Michelle works at the casino and every time she gives me my $5 stipend she smiles and tells me to have a nice day. I always say the same thing back to her because I am sure it’s hard to work in a smoke-filled room all day with old people and their dialysis bags. I don’t know her last name but if you show up at the casino and ask around, I’m sure someone will point you in the right direction. In any case, here is the casino’s number: (800) 754-4111

3 Comments:

Blogger Alicia Pernell said...

this is a great resume.

July 11, 2008 at 11:21 AM  
Blogger wagner israel cilio iii said...

i think so too. thank you alicia

July 11, 2008 at 12:06 PM  
Blogger apants said...

I would hire you at my cardiology office as my private writing bear feather car rock meter flake cornerstone slam break box people do die so easily.

July 11, 2008 at 10:30 PM  

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