tatiana, tatiana

i was talking with my friend tat on gchat and she mentioned that she's been writing a lot the past few months. she's come up with something of a short novel composed of her journal posts. when i asked her to describe it, this is what she said:

7:16 PM Tatiana: I had that one guy... and after I dropped him off at his house and he said, "no more, Tatiana... I like you less than other people." I just lost all interest and sex drive. THen I made the wretched mistake of getting involved with someone I work with... and I'm still (after like... 2 months?) trying to end things. And last time XXXX came to visit... we got really drunk.
So... I have had some sex, but I'd like to have none.
7:18 PM my shitty novel is, I guess, about that.

that night i got an e-mail with the subject line: "my shitty novel". i have been reading it over the past few days because it looks a little daunting just sitting in my inbox as one big block of text but once i start reading, i really don't feel like stopping. to me, that is a sign that what i am reading is good. there are certain lines that are packed with so many pretty things. this was my favorite line:

Then you'll say, "This is what I've wanted for so long," and it will all be okay.

i have not read something more beautiful in a very long time. i feel very honored just to know that i'm good friends with someone who can feel this much and write this good.

and then gmail started acting funny and this is happened:

7:23 PM Tatiana: maybe that too

7:24 PM me: have you ever tried methadone?

Tatiana: so how are you doing now?

Sad?

7:25 PM me: can you read this?

Tatiana: I just got "can you read this" and before that "I thought you mean mentally"

that's all

me: this is bullshit